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Ho!, Ho!, Ho!, Ho?, Ho.... (Oh God, I can't be bothered.............Bah!) Oh! Alright then. Now. A very Happy Christmas to you all! (There. Said it now.)
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Seasonal greetings to you all wherever you are. Suddenly 2004 appears to be coming to an end. Why didn't someone warn me? It's only five minutes since we were doing this last time. If the years keep getting shorter I will have even less time to do nothing in.
What have I done with my year? As ever, there has been lots of travel. (Okay - there hasn't been any travel.) The furthest I got was Guildford Railway Station during a particularly heavy rain storm. Quite a lot of books. I have discovered that Charles Dickens is funny. This follows from my discovery last year that Iris Murdoch is funny. (You are right to worry.) I don't seem to be drinking be enough - and am - strangely - in good health.
There is some evidence that I have been out and about but most of it seems to imply that I have been following Graham Hillier and Sue Amos around - it's not true. It is entirely by coincidence that every time I pick up a beer they seem to appear!
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I was going to say that this was me on holiday in Spain and the Hotel I had chosen was in the background - but you wouldn't really believe that - would you? It was actually Eleanor Evans 40th Birthday where we were forced to drink large quantities of GFB in strangely hot conditions. The scaffolding is on the latest Evans building works and Eleanor is pictured in her new living room. Photos by Cathy! See Mac and Sue put the world to rights. See Eleanor stick her finger in her ear. See Graham, Ken and Sue sitting and standing. See Mac drink beer. An excellent afternoon. Eleanor should be 40 more often.
Then there was Justin and Ashley's wedding. All the best people were there. Well. I was, anyway. And Graham and Sue were there too. Strange. The man in the wedding photo who looks like my father is actually me. More drinking ensued. How odd?
I have something for you to look at - it is seasonal, short and clean. Those of you who think you know about Computer maintenance should pay particular attention. Because I am frightened of lawyers I am not going to republish it and this is the only english language version I can find - but it works for me. The Russian version is much prettier - but I don't speak Russian and neither do most of you - although sometimes when I have had a few drinks, things you say sound like.....we shall just leave that there. Go on - it will only take 5 minutes and you've got nothing else to do.
What about gossip then?
In addition to Justin and Ashley Bevan, there were lots of other weddings this year. James and Amanda Bunn in Australia and Richard and Gail Ives in Exeter. Hello James and Amanda! Hello Richard and Gail!
I saw Julie and Chris Bryan, and Briony and Rebecca - and their new sister Abigail.
Nick and Catherine Nobbs have a daughter - Sassandra. Nick pleads not being a new man - and has disappeared into darkest Africa. Possibly to hide. Mother and daughter are currently safe in Switzerland but will be in Dubai for Xmas. She is already better travelled then I am!
Tony and Vicky Leroy are alleged to have relocated from Ireland to La Rochelle in France.
On a rare visit to the Haunch I walked straight into Carole Broone-Smith - who was herself on a very rare visit to Salisbury. I have learnt from other sources that a huge volume of wine was consumed at dinner that night. Carole is bringing British Christmas comforts to British holidaymakers on the German Rhine and will presumably be jollying them on this Xmas.
Mr and Mrs Hatt have been seen a few times this year. Most memorably at Dr. David and Jena's Barbecue where Bertie gave instruction on making apple crumble and Julie had to have stories read to her. All for the benefit of Polly Howells, but I think they had their own agenda. Again - large quantities of GFB were consumed. (GFB seems to be taking over this year.)
John Pengleaux made an appearance in the Haunch over the Summer while on a world tour. Hong Kong, Sydney, LA, Salisbury. He has shaved off his moustache in an effort to camouflage himself from an angry husband. The fact that as soon as he opens his mouth he will give himself away is neither here nor there. John says he wants to sell up in Jersey and move back to Salisbury. Jersey, John says, is full of northerners with baseball caps. But, everywhere is full of northerners with baseball caps.
Jim and Anne-Maria Bartlett moved back to the UK and are now in Cornwall. Jim says that he finds the British obese and scruffy. Its all true.
If you see the Clives - don't mention bathrooms to them.
Some of you used to infest the Cathedral Hotel - admittedly quite a long time ago. I went there on a Christmas jolly. The bar was extended a couple of years ago to cover the whole of the ground floor. It is now in a bedraggled and sorry state. There weren't even any bouncers - I presume they don't have enough customers to justify them. The new layout includes a very long bar. When I arrived all the beer pumps on this long bar were turned round. We stayed about an hour, at which point they ran out of Guinness and we left. I have never drunk a Pub dry but that will have to count as a nearly.
And last but by no means least - Debs Candy keeps sending me all sorts of ridiculous things, some of which are very rude and all of which are very funny. Even though many of you have seen this I really need to add it in.....don't I?
It is entitled "Christmas Dinner will be late this year".
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I hope I will see some of you over the "festive season". A happy christmas and new year to you all!
Bahh!
Humbug......
