Happy Christmas 2013 - A message from Mac

Christmas greetings to you all! 

 

Shall I start last Christmas?  Shall I?

 

Last year I was required to cook the lunch. A hip replacement that didn’t go according to plan meant that Mum’s mobility was limited for several months.  She has now regained almost complete movement and normal service is resumed!

 

Of course, when I say “cook” – I mean follow verbal instructions.  Closely.  All except for making the gravy, which I was not trusted to do.  I did witness it though and it is still a mystery to me.  I could not tell you what happened.  I know it did.  I was there.  Maybe that’s why I was not trusted to do it?  This year by that time I will be on my second gin and will be recumbent, if waiting, poised for more instructions, albeit easier ones.  "Take this....", "Carry that....", "Open the wine...".  I can do that.

 

In 2012 I really did crack New Year.  Pub at 6pm – few beers – home for some supper – book – bed by 10pm.  Awoken briefly at midnight by some loud bangs as the fireworks went off but faded away quickly and up early the next morning.  On a Golf course by late morning and feeling pretty chirpy.  Stuff all this hanging around until midnight so large numbers of excited people in fancy dress can shake my hand and hug me as I cling to the bar.  No – it’s early beers, an early night and an early morning to follow - without a hangover.  How grown up!

 

I have been boring many people for more years than I wish to consider with my attempts to get an envelope out of my long term employers and depart.  As some of you ex-UKP bodies will be interested to hear, this year a plan to close UK House at the end of 2014 was announced.  Some of you will remember moving into it when it was new in 1982 or 83.  It’s not as new as it was.  It lost that “new” smell a long time ago.  It is – tired.  It's race is run.

 

This is the building I work in – Hooray!  Sadly, I am not convinced that I am much nearer to the door.  I have a suspicion that they will keep me on long after everyone else has gone.   Once the building has been closed, perhaps they will decide to demolish it and keep me on as night watchman?  Think of me – some cold December night as you make your way home after a night out.   Half way up Castle Street, as you pass the site where the old Office building used to be, and peer through the fence  you may see a light flickering in the darkness.  You may just make out a figure, shuffling to and fro.  That will be me, hopping from one foot to the other, keeping warm at my brazier.  I wonder if they’ll give me a hut to sit in?  I suppose I could always wear two coats?

 

Now finally I need to get down to the serious stuff.  What have I actually been doing this year?  My handicap in January was 17.7, and now it is 19.0.  Been up a bit – and down a bit – and up a bit.  I’ve changed my putting grip and had several lessons to change my back swing (it's a golfing thing).  Almost every week, I decide on an improvement that will definitely be a game changer.  This week – it’s balance!

 

Balance is very important to all of us.  Many years ago I remember someone (the name is lost to me) balancing on the two rear legs of a high stool in the bar of The Cathedral Hotel.    A little loss of focus as he rocked back and away he went.  Balance lost, and both he and the stool fell backwards.  In mid-flight, his pint in danger, his reflexes took over as he put all his concentration into what he held in his hand.  Only moments later, there he was sitting on the floor, the stool lying between his legs – but his beer had stayed upright through the whole descent and not one drop had been spilt. 

 

It was miraculous.   I would certainly pay good money to see it again.  How we applauded him!  This is what balance can do for you.
 

I think, this Christmas you should all go out and practice following that young mans example.  Besides think of the horror your children will feel when you demonstrate it to their friends?  I think it’s worth it.
 

And now for something slightly frightening.

 

 

 

 

 

Not really sure how I'm going to drink through this thing?

 

Happy Christmas - and please make sure that when you do fall off your stool, you are suitably relaxed.

 

Ho! Ho!  Ho!  Ho........!!

 

Mac